• Urth Caffé - Beverly Hills, 267 S. Beverly Drive, Los Angeles, CA www.urthcaffe.com

I drift the streets of downtown Beverly Hills. A sign captures my attention. “Green Tea Espresso,” compels me to stop at the bustling Urth Caffé “exclusive organic coffees and fine teas.”

Only in LA can one find a fusion of organic and Italian. Here considered trendy. In Italy, blasphemy.

While waiting in line, I am tempted by the case of freshly baked pastries, particularly their banana cream pie. It comes time to order and I cannot decide between the Green Tea Espresso and the Bebero, so I don’t.

“Would you like anything else,” the barista asks. I decline, hurrying her along not to give in. I break down. “What’s your favorite pastry?” I inquire. “The Banana Cream Pie,” she says without hesitation. I nod reluctantly.

The two drinks arrive in zen glasses. I feel so posh taking a sip and I am tempted to lift my pinky. An injection of matcha pours through my veins. The grass concoction tastes just like the cafe’s name, which is not particularly satisfying.

I try the Bebero, with a white creme center. It’s electrifying and has the potency of Turkish coffee. I squint and cough like a teenager taking their first shot of tequila. I stir the cocktail and tastes better, but not enough.

I wonder how they make such a drink? “The Espresso is just green tea powder and water,” the waitress tells me. “And the Bebero is condensed milk, green tea and foam.” I’m tempted to ask for a refund for false advertising and feel fleeced for paying over $4 for something that I can make at home. At least there I’d have the courage to flavor it with agave.

I try to brace my hand from shaking while moving on to Dessert. The crust is good, but impossibly thick. Like trying to cut a crispy cookie, the knife clashes against the plate and the pie slides everywhere. The filling has too little banana and too much whipped cream, a rookies mistake.

I scrape it away like I’m buttering bread. After a few bites I’m still waiting for it to get better. When paying an extortionate $6.75 for a slice, I feel obliged to finish. I don’t.

“Urth” = welsh for “earth” + “Caffé” = Italian for “coffee.” Neither were good.

It could have been better if… I had kept on walking.